vacation – Elizabeth Barron

Austin Butler (the plant) Will Survive

I named my new plant Austin Butler because I had a feeling it wouldn’t win an Oscar this week either

Few things make me happier to be gay than watching straight people on reality wedding shows.

“I’m going to go through all of the stages of grief, but not in the right order,” A warned me as we went in to see Hillary Clinton. “So good luck.”

Most of her waking thoughts are devoted to “How can we see a beluga?”

Dad whispered, “Did you bring the ponchos?”